Inside the mind of a coach
Interview with Swedish life coach, Nina Jansdotter. Part 2.
Does my boss or my girlfriend have any reason to be worried about my coaching? Others who have undergone coaching have quit their jobs or filed for divorce…
“Coaching will get you to realise what changes need to be made in your life, and at times that means that your situation is effected. This very process, in order to get answers to urgent questions and to reconsider ones own situation, does stir up some problems.
“As it happens, coaches are threatened with law-suits and accused of causing this and that, above all by men whose wives have filed for divorce. Myself, I have had clients that have moved overseas, sold their businesses, divorced, moved and resigned from their jobs even if such matters had never been an issue in the beginning.
“For instance, I once coached a woman with regards to a salary negotiation who some time later said, ‘I have now separated from my husband.’”
How do you feel when your coaching causes such things? Do you feel guilty?
“At times I might think, ‘My goodness, what have I done?’ For instance, when somebody quits a job – right when his company has paid for the coaching. However, I trust that the decisions made by clients are indeed their own and not mine. Every individual is responsible for his own life and his own decisions, that is something I always express. Sometimes a client has told me that the boss appreciated the result of the coaching nevertheless. Companies most often have no interest in keeping someone around who really would rather be someplace else. Much better to get a new and more motivated person.”
So is it important in coaching that all decisions be my own?
“Yes. My task is to give direction to your own will, to help you in a way that you want yourself, rather than to force upon you my own notions as to what I think is best for you.
“That said, through my participation as a coach I can get you to take a position on certain things: ‘It sounds to me that mentally you already have decided to leave your husband’ or ‘It shows that you are tired of your job’, are things I might say to draw attention to the question instead of just letting you brush it in under the carpet.”